Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Eulogy of the Sweat Burger

The Ranch Bacon Cheeseburger was born on January 3, 2003 at 344 West, 1230 North in Provo, UT 84601 at 6:10 a.m. and was named after its rich, creamy ranch sauce and delicious cooked bacon whom its mother admired very much. The Ranch Bacon Cheeseburger was also endearingly referred to as The Sweat Burger due to its uncanny aftertaste of sweat. One of Sweaty's great admirer's, Adam Mousley Moore, was known for saying, "I can't explain it, it just feels like I'm eating sweat. Sometimes I don't believe it, but I feel it in my heart."

Sweaty loved living in Provo because it lived close to its grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Some of Sweaty's most well-known relatives are The Six Dollar Burger, Famous Star, Spicy Chicken, and Western BBQ Burger. They could visit each other often and enjoyed holiday celebrations together. Sweaty spent most of its life living on Bulldog Ave. It attended Provo Elementary School for a short time and graduated in February 2003 from The Timpview Academy for Burgers.

Our precious Ranch Bacon Cheeseburger left our presence in March 2003, but has left a legacy of service and diligence for all us. May we follow Sweaty's example so that we may soon be reunited as a family, bringing the savory taste of sweat to all eternity.

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